Nothing I could Do About It (Hike to Jordan Lake, High Uintas Wilderness)

It was a beautiful sight. We stood on the shore of Jordan Lake in the Uintas watching white cumulus clouds billow up over Mount Agassiz. Soon, the clouds were illuminated with an eeriness only an unseen full moon can provide.  We waited until the moon appeared through some of the openings between the clouds. As pretty as this scene was, I knew that the gathering clouds could mean lightning and thunder was coming.

Phyllis and I had hiked about six miles to Jordan Lake to spend the night. We sat up our tent on a little peninsula that extended down to the edge of the lake. Earlier in the evening we ate dinner: Freeze dried  teriyaki chicken with rice and vegetables. We ate right from the packet so the only thing we dirtied was our utensils. Our pot was only used for boiling water. After cleaning up, watching the setting sun and moon rise, we retired to bed early, tired from the hiking.

I couldn't sleep. My mind raced. My body ached. I laid there wishing I had taken an Ibuprofen. I was too lazy to get out of my sleeping bag, out of the tent and get my water bottle and medicine. I thought for sure I would eventually sleep. If I could sleep, my headache and body aches would be gone by morning.

I closed my eyes and began to focus on my breathing: Inhale deeply through my nose and exhale through my mouth, right? Or is it inhale deeply through the mouth and exhale through the nose? I tried both ways hoping the rhythm would lull me to sleep. Sleep would not come.

Through my eyelids, I sensed a flash of light. I opened my eyes just as my ears were bombarded with a loud clap of thunder. The thunder began to roll and echo around the mountains and then down a canyon like a passing train rumbling away into the distance. I saw another flash, another boom, another rumble. Then came the pitter-patter sound of rainfall on the tent. The sound of the rain added a soft snare-drum to the timpani rumble and cymbal crash of a Uinta's nighttime orchestra.


I have heard others talk about thunder and lightning and how much they enjoy the sound and the light show. I too have stood outside my house under the carport and watched the lightning and listened to the thunder. It does have its beauty. But above 10, 000 feet in elevation inside a small backpacking tent there isn't a real feeling of security.

I closed my eyes again and decided to enjoy the storm. If I could mentally trick my brain, was it possible to lose the anxiety? The first flash of lightning, my eyes were wide open. Thoughts of being struck by lightning had me counting the seconds between the flash and the sound. Flash! One, two, three, four, five, Boom! Five seconds. That means the lightning was five miles away, right? Is that true? Flash! One, two, three, Bam! Three miles away. Oh brother, is this how the night was going to be?

Several years ago, I was near the Crystal Lake Trailhead. I had been float-tube fishing in Washington Lake. Big clouds  started to build around the mountains. I recognized that an afternoon thunderstorm was coming. I got off the lake and started to breakdown the tent just as a poring rain hit. By the time I was in my car, the lightning was flashing and the thunder clapping. On the way down the canyon toward the town of Kamas, I saw several emergency vehicles racing up the canyon. The anchors on the evening news that night reported that a couple had been struck and killed by lightning near the Crystal Lake Trailhead. A feeling of sadness came over me for this couple as well as thoughts of how close I had been to the scene just moments before.

I continued to lay there with the thought playing through my head: There is nothing I can do. There is nothing I can do. 

I figured I had laid awake listening for about 6 hours. It was not a peaceful time for me. I've always been afraid of lightning and thunder, mostly when outdoors.  As I laid there I felt a degree of fear and anxiety. I thought to myself: What can I do about the storm? How do I deal with the feelings of fear and anxiety? Should I wake my wife and ruin her night by letting her know she was camping with a less than macho companion? No way we could pack up and hike out. I decided there was nothing I could do about the storm.

I tried to focus on the sound of the rain. I tried to enjoy the sound of the reverberating thunder. Then I remember waiting for another flash of lightning, another clap of thunder, but nothing came. The storm had passed. I figured it was about 3:00 am. I might have slept for an hour or so. I remember tossing and turning. I remember sensing the quietness of the early morning hours.

When it was light enough to see, we got dressed and went outside the tent. The sun was not yet above the mountains. There was no clouds anywhere in the sky. The sky was beginning to turn blue. Jordan Lake was perfectly still. The only movement was the mist rising from the lake surface. The morning was so calm, so still, so peaceful compared to the noisy night. Once the mist dissipated, the lake surface became a mirror. The mountains and fir trees could be viewed by looking down instead of out and up. Months later my mind still holds these images as if still standing there. The new day held promise of beautiful weather.

We packed up our gear, took down the tent and prepared to hike out. I went down to the lake's edge. I peered through the water and saw a beautiful brook trout cruising the shoreline. He turned and passed by in the opposite direction. The trout then turned, rose and took a small bug from the surface. I smiled. I thought, life is good. I was excited to begin the hike out. 

As with most of my adventures, I always try to find a life lesson. What I take away from this trip has to do with storms (trials, accidents, failures, afflictions that we cause ourselves, or those caused by others, pain, suffering, death). In life we will face these storms. Often, we feel as I did with the lightning: There is nothing I can do. There are many situations in life where we feel fear and anxiety. Is there nothing we can do? Sometimes, we do have fear and anxiety over things we have no control over. When they pass we lose that fear and anxiety. But what do we do right in the middle of the storms of life? For me, a Christian, I have to put my hope and faith in God and His Son.. If there is something I think I can physically do to remedy a situation, I move forward in that direction. If it something I have no control over, then I pray and have faith that it will eventually pass and a new and brighter day with promise will come. I know it seems simple. I know there are some very serious and hard things to deal with in life. I wish there was a  magic bottle of potion or cure-all formula but there isn't. All we can do is find those things that will bring us peace and place our focus there.